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Last updated on July 5th, 2024 at 05:51 pm
bladebarnes:
Aries: “I’m going to fry his dick in a toaster, I swear to god I am.”
Taurus: “Is there any way I’m legally able to marry a mango?”
Gemini: “Your sister got ahold of me and now I look like a Kiss reject. Rock n’ Roll, bitchacho.”
Cancer: “They killed off Clay?????????? What even is my life anymore????????? Brb going to jump off a bridge now.”
Leo: “FUCKY THE BUCKY”
Virgo: “Your bastard cat is trying to eat off my toes what do I do?”
Libra: “If you come home and find a smashed TV in the floor…..it was the cat’s fault.”
Scorpio: “I bought handcuffs. Smacked myself in the head with them by accident. Buy an ice pack on your way home…and some bandaids please.”
Sagittarius: “I’m going to shove a paintball up my ass. I’ll be shittin’ pink for a week.”
Capricorn: “Don’t freak out….but I may or may not have accidentally acquired a baby goat.”
Aquarius: “Might have alcohol poisoning. Send help.”
Pisces: “I think one of your nephews is possessed. He wrote 666 on the wall and keeps trying to stab me with a marker. Am I allowed to call an exorcist or can I just lock him in the closet until you get home?”
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