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Last updated on July 5th, 2024 at 01:52 pm
A picture of my brother, grandma and me.
Today would have been my brother’s 40th birthday. It’s sort of funny to realize things after someone you love passes but I’ve been thinking about a lot of things for the last few days.
I lost my older brother in early 2007. I miss him greatly. Being that it had always just been the two of us I didn’t think much about our big brother-little sister dynamic. Yes like most kids we fought and had our I hate you moments (I will admit that was more me than him). But we were always there for each other.
When I lost him it was like my world was turned upside down. I think we can all relate to this at one time of our life. You are so used to relying on someone for the simplists of things. Then you have to remind yourself that they are no longer here. I’ve posted about these thoughts before but losing my only sibling messed me up. But I can say my brother taught me many things.
This week I’ve taken a lot of time to reflect on the importance of having a brother. That’s one thing I can say that I was fortunate enough to have one. We may have wanted to strangle each other at times but we still loved each other in our own way.
He always encouraged me to do more or be a better person. He also showed me how to stand up for myself that I didn’t have to be bullied in any situation. I will confess that one came back to bite him at one point in our lives.
He shared his love of music and movies with me. People who know me know why I love Nine Inch Nails so much along with the occasional Quintin Tarantino movie. This is also true about my love of U2 along with Star Wars and Indiana Jones.
We had our struggles like many siblings do but we would also have our own adventures. He was good at helping me step out of my comfort zone. Nothing too out there mind you but I did see things differently.
No matter how old we were we always had the big brother-little sister issue. This was more relevant as we got older. Even as adults he would be concerned about me. I was the same way with him.
I often wonder what life would have been like if he’d still been alive. yes I know that is a basic thought most people have but it still fascinates me Would the outcome of my current life been the same or different? What would his have been like too? These again are questions that will never be answered but I still stop to ponder them.
But at this point, I can say I was lucky enough to have an older brother in my life. He taught me many things and loved me even when I drove him crazy. I know now that even if he’s gone I will always be his little sister.
Happy 40th Birthday Ivan. We love you.
