My Life – How an idea has helped me learn more about myself

Last updated on July 5th, 2024 at 06:00 pm

In my early 20’s I kept having a rather silly dream. The facts of said dream weren’t very important. I had the dream repeatedly for about a week. The concept of it stuck with me and I eventually sat down and started to write the idea down. 

I never thought in a million years what I managed to write would become what it has over all these years. When I finally sat down to write down my thoughts it became and opening letter. To whom you might ask? Well to my fictitious or hypothetical or possibly even my future child. Whichever term you prefer is up to you. I like to think of him as being fictitious. 

I know it’s a silly confession to make but it’s true. If Liam was an actual child he’d be nearly 12 years old. Again it’s funny to think of an idea I created as a living breathing being but sometimes I do. (Yes, I’m aware of how crazy that makes me sound.) As I mentioned earlier I created his opening letter in my 20’s I must have been around 22 or 23 at the time. So basically I write to him as if he was a real person. My opening letter begins on his birthday and goes from there.

I will say this much it has no real rhyme or reason to it. I just wrote what I thought was a great idea at the time. I wasn’t structured when I started my letters. What I mean by this is I didn’t date each one I just wrote in short blocks of time.  When I set out with this idea I wanted to write to my fictional child Liam yearly. Well like most things that sort of got side tracked and I left him by the wayside to tackle other things going on at the time. 

It’s sort of funny how things work out when you set to write down and idea. You might have one thought in mind and it transitions into something completely different.  I do enjoy how it lets me think outside of my box so to speak.  I have passed along a few incomplete copies to friends who find it amusing but besides that, it’s mainly for me. One of my friends likes to joke with me by saying “It’s your story you can write whatever you want and add whomever you want too.” I have by the way and it makes it more interesting for me. I have in a sense created a safe place for me to deal with any emotional turmoil I might have. I also find it to be a bit relaxing as well because I can just write freely.

Being that this allows me to think about things beyond myself I have found it has helped me heal on many levels. I have been able to let go of a lot of emotional baggage. I’ve also learned a lot more about myself as well. I’m able to put myself in a situation mentally that allows me to confront my issues in a way. This process has allowed me to entertain the idea of what I might be like as a mother. I find that fun because I’ve always wondered what kind of mother I will be. 

I can say this much my writing has come a long way from 2005 or 2006. I don’t have a set schedule when I write to him. I try to do it daily now. I have also set out to date any new additions as I go as well.When I stopped writing to Liam my work was only 300 or so pages long. Now as of last night (6-4-2017) I stopped on page 3,836. What can I say I like large font and double spacing. I also like to add everything under the sun as well. I think it makes for interesting reading. Oh, and I’m still a few years behind.

In short, I have come to learn much more about myself through this experience. One thing for sure it’s fun to write to my fictitious child Liam. Sometimes it’s the highlight of my day. 

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